--- title: You Change Others When You Change You First | The Sales Blog description: I am sure I have written about Aikido a half a dozen times here before. I practiced for a year and half until I damaged my knee. I fell in the love with the art. In fact, I’m still in love, even though I no longer practice. When I first stepped on to the mat […] image: https://www.thesalesblog.com/hubfs/Imported_Blog_Media/Screen-Shot-2014-01-27-at-9_09_41-PM.png --- ### [Now booking SKO meetings for 2026/27! 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I practiced for a year and half until I damaged my knee. I fell in the love with the art. In fact, I’m still in love, even though I no longer practice. When I first stepped on to the mat to practice, like everyone else, I knew nothing. The movements are completely counterintuitive and foreign. It takes thousands of repetitions to get your body to cooperate. But your body isn’t [the most difficult thing you have to retrain](https://www.thesalesblog.com/blog/what-are-you-unlearning). After some time on the mat, a number of san [dan’s](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_(rank)) (high ranking black belts) cornered me to tell me I was hurting them. The idea in Aikido is that you get out of the way of force and redirect it. Instead, I was greeting force with greater force. I was anything but soft. This was a [mindset](https://www.thesalesblog.com/blog/a-diseased-mindset) problem. The best Aikidoist’s are so soft that they literally disappear; you don’t even know they’re touching you as the force you bring is redirected and you are thrown through the air. They don’t greet your force with force. To change you, they change themselves. They step backwards and change direction. And here is a metaphor worth adopting. #### MESSAGE! - If you want to change the response you receive from someone else, first change yourself. - If you want to change the outcome of some interaction, first change the way you approach that interaction. - If you want your prospective client to change their response to your pitch, start by changing yourself. As [Covey](https://www.stephencovey.com) said, “If you think the problem is out there, that thought is the problem.” #### Get Out of Your Own Way For six months I practiced on the Aikido mat, frustrated that I couldn’t get my practice partners to do what I needed them to do. When I failed, I tried greater force. But the strong message from my black belt friends didn’t cause me to change and improve my technique. It was something else. The dojo brought in a new class of students. They knew even less than I did. Practicing with them was very painful. Even though they didn’t mean to hurt me, their poor form and poorer understanding of the art made them dangerous to work with. Once I experienced what it felt like to work with them, I changed almost instantly. And my technique was immediately improved. #### Questions Think of someone you want to change? How do you change you to get that change from them? What part of you needs to change for you to produce the better results you want? Do you believe the problems is “out there?” Do you believe it is “them?” Does this belief empower you?   ###### Tags: [Sales](https://www.thesalesblog.com/blog/tag/sales) [2014](https://www.thesalesblog.com/blog/tag/2014) Post by [Anthony Iannarino](https://www.thesalesblog.com/blog/author/anthony-iannarino) on January 27, 2014 Written and edited by human brains and human hands. ![Anthony Iannarino](https://www.thesalesblog.com/hubfs/ai-blog-profile-crop.jpg) Anthony Iannarino is an American writer. He has published daily at [thesalesblog.com](https://www.thesalesblog.com) for more than 14 years, amassing over 5,300 articles and making this platform a destination for salespeople and sales leaders. Anthony is also the author of four best-selling books documenting modern sales methodologies and a fifth book for sales leaders seeking revenue growth. His latest book for an even wider audience is titled, The Negativity Fast: Proven Techniques to Increase Positivity, Reduce Fear, and Boost Success. Anthony speaks to sales organizations worldwide, delivering cutting-edge sales strategies and tactics that work in this ever-evolving B2B landscape. He also provides workshops and seminars. Connect with Anthony on LinkedIn, X or Youtube. You can email Anthony at [iannarino@gmail.com](mailto:iannarino@gmail.com) [Follow me on my website](https://www.thesalesblog.com/anthony-iannarino) [Follow me on Facebook ](https://www.facebook.com/thesalesblog) [Follow me on LinkedIn ](https://www.linkedin.com/in/iannarino/) [Follow me on Twitter ](http://www.twitter.com/iannarino) [![AISA-square-ad-SKOs-26-27](https://www.thesalesblog.com/hs-fs/hubfs/AISA-square-ad-SKOs-26-27.jpg?width=400&height=400&name=AISA-square-ad-SKOs-26-27.jpg)](https://www.thesalesblog.com/authority) [![ai-cold-calling-video-sidebar-offer-1](https://www.thesalesblog.com/hs-fs/hubfs/ai-cold-calling-video-sidebar-offer-1.jpg?width=318&height=179&name=ai-cold-calling-video-sidebar-offer-1.jpg)](https://www.thesalesblog.com/free-cold-calling-video) ![salescall-planner-ebook-v3-1-cover (1)](https://www.thesalesblog.com/hs-fs/hubfs/salescall-planner-ebook-v3-1-cover%20(1).jpg?width=768&height=994&name=salescall-planner-ebook-v3-1-cover%20(1).jpg) ### Free Sales eBook: Sales Call Planner Planning your sales call improves the likelihood of making a successful call, and it demonstrates to your dream client your professionalism. 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What we’re doing right now **is working**, even in this challenging economy. **Would you like some help?** [![Solve for Sales](https://no-cache.hubspot.com/cta/default/2922376/d3a4938b-2008-4a27-8b44-7b2223f6d035.png)](https://cta-redirect.hubspot.com/cta/redirect/2922376/d3a4938b-2008-4a27-8b44-7b2223f6d035) ### Join my Weekly Newsletter for Sales Tips Join 100,000+ sales professionals in my weekly newsletter and get my *Guide to Becoming a Sales Hustler* eBook for FREE! --- ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org/", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Anthony Iannarino" }, "dateModified" : "2023-02-20T8:27:00 AM", "datePublished" : "2014-01-27 21:29:34", "description" : "I am sure I have written about Aikido a half a dozen times here before. I practiced for a year and half until I damaged my knee. I fell in the love with the art. In fact, I’m still in love, even though I no longer practice. 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